特兒在常人眼中的「單蠢」(簡單又愚蠢),在神眼裡,是美好的「單純」,但是我看得到嗎?若我看不到,是否是因為我「不夠花時間、心思」去看呢?
What appears as “simple-minded” (simple and foolish) in an autistic child in the eyes of the world, is beautiful “simplicity” in God’s eyes. But can I see it? If I cannot, is it because I do not spend enough time and attention to truly observe?
What appears as “simple-minded” (simple and foolish) in an autistic child in the eyes of the world, is beautiful “simplicity” in God’s eyes. But can I see it? If I cannot, is it because I do not spend enough time and attention to truly observe?
然而,就算我願意花時間去看,若我只是把特兒當作「觀察的對象」,我能夠「看見」嗎?
Yet even if I am willing to spend time observing, if I only treat the autistic child as an “object of observation,” can I truly “see”?
10/3那天,我家Jabez用「數學」教會我何謂「家人」:可以5+0,可以3+2,就是不能4+1。
On October 3, my Jabez taught me what “family” means through “math”: 5+0 is okay, 3+2 is okay, but 4+1 is not allowed.
Jabez的「家人」認知,從1(自己)到2(+我),再到5(+媽媽、姐姐、哥哥),花了好幾年的時間;等到所有人都成為「家人」後,只要家人一起出門,他便像牧羊犬一樣隨時點名,一個都不能少。
Jabez’s understanding of “family” developed over years: from 1 (himself), to 2 (+me), and finally to 5 (+mom, sister, brother). Once everyone became “family,” whenever the family goes out together, he acts like a sheepdog, checking to make sure no one is missing.
偶爾我們有誰臨時離開、未事先告知Jabez,Jabez就會委屈的掉淚,並用剛學會的電影「腦筋急轉彎」的模式「指指腦袋」:這裡現在是sadness ,joy 不在了。
Occasionally, if someone leaves without informing Jabez, he becomes upset and tears up. Using a method he learned from the movie “Inside Out,” he points to his head: “Here is now sadness; joy is gone.”
於是我們被迫互相提醒:誰要先離開,都得先跟Jabez報備,不然不準走。
This forces us to remind each other: whoever leaves first must notify Jabez; otherwise, they cannot go.
這是Jabez新的固著,我們家新的羈絆,也是新的幸福。
This is Jabez’s new fixation, a new bond for our family, and a new form of happiness.
Jabez的愛專擅而霸道,所以,很純粹。雖然生活難免有點兒不便,但因為疼愛Jabez,所以沒有人把Jabez的固著視為負擔,反而很享受這份「專擅與霸道」。
Jabez’s love is assertive and overbearing, yet it is very pure. Life may have some inconveniences, but because we love Jabez, no one sees his fixations as a burden; rather, we enjoy this “assertive and overbearing” love.
然而就在10/3這一天,Jabez「進化」了。
However, on October 3, Jabez “evolved.”
趁著無風無雨的颱風假,我們「事先告知」Jabez:哥哥要在家讀書,我跟媽媽、姐姐帶你去蓋印章(台中北屯廍子地區的萬聖節聯合社區活動)。Jabez同意了,但才踏出門口,Jabez就眼淚滾落,頻頻用手拭淚。無奈之下,我們只好進屋裡去,想想該如何說服Jabez讓哥哥在家讀書。
During a calm, rain-free typhoon holiday, we “informed Jabez in advance”: his brother would study at home, and Mom, Sister, and I would take him to collect stamps at the Halloween community event in Beitun, Taichung. Jabez agreed, but as soon as he stepped out, tears rolled down his face, and he kept wiping them away. Helpless, we went back inside to think about how to convince Jabez to allow his brother to stay home and study.
哥哥疼愛的抱抱Jabez,媽媽突然說:「Jabez,我跟爸爸帶你去蓋印章,讓姐姐陪哥哥好不好?」Jabez居然同意了!
His brother gave Jabez a loving hug, and Mom suddenly said, “Jabez, I will take you with Dad to collect stamps, and Sister will stay with your brother—is that okay?” To our surprise, Jabez agreed!
我們非常震驚:家人一個都不能少的Jabez,為什麼願意接受三個人出門?我們彼此討論,得出的結論是:哥哥一個人在家會孤單,所以如果有姐姐可以陪哥哥,那麼「少2人」出門,沒有人會落單,也是可以的。
We were astonished: Jabez, who never allows any family member to be left out, agreed to three people going out. After discussion, we concluded: the brother would be lonely alone at home, so if Sister could accompany him, then going out with “two fewer people” is fine—no one is left alone.
可以5+0,,可以3+2,就是不能4+1。是家人,就不能有人落單——這是Jabez昨天教會我的事情。
5+0 is okay, 3+2 is okay, but 4+1 is not allowed. If someone is family, no one can be left alone—this is what Jabez taught me yesterday.
要專注於特兒的單純,我必須與他相處、與他互動,努力地理解他,這樣才能真正的認識他。Jabez不是我「觀察的對象」,他是我的「愛子」。
To focus on the simplicity of an autistic child, I must spend time with him, interact with him, and make an effort to understand him. Only then can I truly know him. Jabez is not an “object of observation”—he is my beloved child.
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