昨晚我做了一個異夢，我將禱告代入夢境，得出「放下過去，專注向前」的訊息。我反覆推敲、辨識，跟神求平安，深怕自己「隨己意解夢」，待有平安後，才按照這個指示去作為。
這次經驗，我更大的屬靈收穫，是挖出長久深埋在心裡的恐懼：恐懼自己因為靈命有限，無法檢驗屬靈（超自然）訊息的真偽，故而選擇退守在理性的世界裡，這樣比較安全，不會出問題。
這個「恐懼」，早在一貫道時期就存在：在仙佛班「降乩」的仙佛是真的嗎？號稱接棒的新任祖師是真的嗎？那時我年輕，連跟道場的聖職長輩對話的條件都不夠，只能秉持愚誠「拿香對拜」，但我知道，我只是選擇一條安全的路：跟著信得過的前輩往前走就對了。
後來我去唸中文系，讀了很多古籍經典，建構自己認可的價值信念，漸漸擺脫「超自然」問題的困擾，因為在理性的世界裡，一切都可理解，那些未解的，只是「還沒理解」，而非「不可理解」。
這其實是另一條安全的路，但也是信仰上一堵自己築起的牆：當我把超自然的世界隔絕於外，也就隔絕了神的全知與大能。這就是為什麼我初信主時會特別看重聖經而非聖靈的緣故，因為我還是選擇「安全」的信仰途徑----我只是在尋求「神在我生命中的意義」，而非「為神付上一切的代價」。
所以，我能接受先知性的教導、啟示、預言……，是很大的屬靈進步，因為我打破了「退守理性世界」的自我侷限，向神敞開我的生命。這次的「異夢」，就是我藉由這個「過去不習慣、甚至抗拒」的形式，領受神的旨意。
當然，我還是要小心不要落入「隨意解經」的問題啦！如今在新心教會裡，大家花很多的時間敬拜禱告，牧者或弟兄姊妹，有人會把自己在敬拜當下神啟示的話語、畫面與大家分享，相互造就。在全心向神的氛圍中，有時我也會看到某些「畫面 」，而我會尋求是屬靈上、神學上的解讀，並獲得屬靈上的、與神關係親近的感動，而非將這些畫面當作「籤詩」，視為未來人生的行動指引。
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Last night, I had an unusual dream. I brought it before God in prayer and received a clear message: “Let go of the past and focus on what lies ahead.” I spent time reflecting and discerning, asking God for peace, because I didn’t want to interpret the dream according to my own will. Only after I felt that inner peace did I act upon the message I received.
Through this experience, I gained a deeper spiritual insight: I uncovered a long-buried fear within me — the fear that my spiritual maturity might be too limited to discern whether a spiritual or supernatural message truly comes from God. To avoid being deceived or making mistakes, I had chosen to retreat into the realm of reason, believing it to be the safer place.
This fear actually dated back to my time in I-Kuan Tao. I used to wonder: were the “immortal beings” who appeared through spirit writing truly real? Was the so-called new spiritual leader, said to have inherited divine authority, genuine? At that time, I was still young and not equipped to engage in deeper conversations with the elders of the temple. All I could do was offer incense and worship with simple sincerity. Deep down, I knew I was simply taking the safer path — following the footsteps of those trustworthy seniors ahead of me.
Later, I majored in Chinese literature and read many classical texts. Through them, I built my own system of values and beliefs, gradually freeing myself from the struggles caused by “supernatural” questions. In the rational world, everything can be understood — and what remains unexplained is merely not yet understood, rather than impossible to understand.
But that, too, was another form of safety — and a wall I had built within my faith. By shutting out the supernatural, I had also shut out God’s omniscience and power. That’s why, when I first became a Christian, I focused more on the Bible than on the Holy Spirit: I was still taking the “safe” route of faith. I was seeking to understand the meaning of God in my life, rather than offering my life completely to God.
So, for me, being able to receive prophetic teachings, revelations, and words of prophecy has been a significant step of spiritual growth. It means I have broken through the self-imposed limitation of retreating into reason, and have opened my life more fully to God. This recent “unusual dream” was, in fact, God speaking to me through a form I was once unfamiliar with — even resistant to.
Of course, I still remind myself to be careful not to fall into the trap of interpreting revelation too loosely or subjectively. At New Heart Church, we spend much time in worship and prayer. During those moments, pastors and brothers and sisters sometimes share the words or visions that God reveals to them, and we build one another up through these experiences. In that atmosphere of wholehearted worship, I too sometimes see certain “images.” When that happens, I seek to understand them through spiritual and theological discernment, allowing them to deepen my relationship with God — rather than treating them like fortune sticks or literal instructions for my future.
