上帝要他長成的樣子 The Way God Wants Him to Grow

「鴿子長成上帝要他長成的樣子，我們看到了，滿是喜樂。」

這是我對一位長輩關心小鴿子的回應。她的原話是：「鴿子會越來越好的，我曾看過像鴿子一樣的小孩長大後完全正常了。」

是呀，正常。每個特兒家長對孩子最大的期待，就僅僅是「正常」。而我們帶著孩子費盡心力努力追趕，卻往往只能看著「正常」的背影，離我們的孩子越來越遠……

成功的例子才會被記住、被傳揚，失敗的例子，只會在顛簸的現實中匍匐前進，直到塵埋。當我們拿著別人的成功為座標辛苦前進之時，會不會忘記了，我們的孩子也在熬受著我們未必能同理的辛苦，一起匍匐前進？

在特教的教育現場裡，我們夫妻看過有些家長在老師的教導訓練下，急著看見孩子的「成長」，於是回去後便認真督促孩子持續練習，好讓孩子回學校後展現「成果」。孩子技能是學會了，但持續訓練形成的壓力無處宣洩，竟衍生出自我傷害的行為。我們對孩子這樣的演變，深深以為警惕。

所以，我們決定不同時扮演「老師與父母」的角色。在早療階段，我們陪同訓練、相信老師的教導；回到家裡，我們就是父母，要給鴿子愛的溫暖，以釋放他白天學習的壓力，老師交代的功課，但求完成，不求100分。

上帝造人，有人是公侯將相，有人是販夫走卒，但神愛世人，不因身份而有差別。特兒一樣是上帝所造，為什麼我們不以上帝的座標/眼光去看待特兒就好，而要以人為的「正常」來要求特兒？鴿子是我們信主後所生的孩子，在未知他是自閉兒之時，我們視鴿子為上帝給我們的禮物，在知道他是自閉兒以後，我們還是這樣看待他。憑著己意，我們做不到這一點，但神賜給我們祂看待世人的眼光，而我們在鴿子的照顧過程裡，也領受了「神就是愛」的信仰真理。

今天，我帶鴿子在社區中庭玩棒球，鴿子第一次做到連續擊中球的成就，我趕忙打開手機錄影，記錄這珍貴的一刻。也許他的動作不標準、揮棒的力量不夠、擊球點也掌握不佳，但這些都不是重點；重點是，一年前的鴿子只能偶爾「碰到球」，而今，他是在「擊球」----他的追跡能力與手眼協調都進步了。如果「緩慢」是上帝給鴿子的成長速度，那麼，我就陪他緩慢的成長，長成「上帝要他長成的樣子」。

“Jabez has grown into the person God wants him to become, and seeing that fills us with joy.”

This was my response to an elder who was concerned about little Jabez. She had said, “Jabez will get better and better. I’ve seen children like him grow up and become completely normal.”

Yes—normal.

For parents of special-needs children, our greatest expectation is often nothing more than “normal.” Yet though we pour out all our strength trying to help our children catch up, we often can only watch as the silhouette of “normal” grows farther and farther away…

Only successful stories are remembered and shared. Those who “fail” continue crawling forward through the bumps of reality until they are buried in dust. As we press forward, using someone else’s success as our compass, do we ever forget that our children are also enduring hardships—hardships we may not fully understand—as they crawl forward together with us?

In the real setting of special education, my spouse and I have seen parents, eager to witness their child’s “progress,” meticulously push them to keep practicing at home after receiving teacher instruction. The child may indeed acquire the skill, but the pressure of nonstop training—without any outlet—sometimes leads to self-harming behaviors. We have taken such situations as a serious warning.

So, we decided not to play both roles—teacher and parent—at the same time.

During early intervention sessions, we accompany the training and trust the teacher’s guidance. But at home, we are parents. We give Jabez warmth and love so he can release the pressure of daytime learning. As for the homework assigned by teachers, we aim for completion—not for perfection.

God created people—some to be nobles, some to be laborers—and yet God loves all equally, without distinction. Children with special needs are also His creation. Why shouldn’t we look at them from God’s coordinates and perspective, instead of measuring them by human standards of “normal”?

Jabez was born after we came to faith. Before we knew he had autism, we saw Jabez as God's gift to us. And after learning he is autistic, we still see him the same way. By our own strength, we could not have done this—but God has given us His eyes to see the world. Through the journey of raising Jabez, we have come to deeply understand the truth that “God is love.”

Today, while playing baseball with Jabez in the courtyard of our community, he achieved his first time hitting the ball consecutively. I hurried to take out my phone to record this precious moment.

His posture may not be standard, his swing may lack power, and his timing may not be accurate—but none of that is the point. The point is that a year ago, Jabez could only occasionally “touch the ball.” Now, he is truly hitting the ball—his tracking skills and hand-eye coordination have improved.

If “slow” is the growth pace God has given Jabez, then I will accompany him in slow growth, until he becomes the person God wants him to become.