刑天

反了天帝一輩子
結果掉了腦袋

「我不甘心！」
於是以乳為目，以臍為口
奮起，雙手繼續操舞著干戚

畢竟少了視神經
視力嚴重模糊
畢竟仍連著肚腹
闊嘴依舊貪婪

意志堅定的邢天啊
無視天道，藐視公義
反，是活著唯一的意義

偶而，也會對鏡中的自己生氣：
「這麼醜，不要出來嚇人！」

巨嬰

　––吹笛人的魔音，終究
　　帶著一群孩子遠離了家鄉

流落異鄉的孩子們
腦海裡印刻了吹笛人
魔幻的旋律
當吹笛人死去
一個孩子撿起牧笛，指揮
便揚起所有孩子們入腦的
魔幻的樂章

可牧笛揮不出蟲鳴鳥叫
吹不了激水流風
異鄉盈耳的噪音
折磨著孩子的耳膜
一個個扭曲皺褶的臉孔
彷彿老去

風拂過斑駁的笛孔
嬰兒般的啼哭聲隱隱而起
又隱隱而逝……

You are the APPLE of his eyes.

 " You are the APPLE of his eyes. "

今天對這句話特別有感。

上週五接女兒回來（學校因疫情停課一週），一到家，小鴿子便給姐姐「老爸規格」（意思是「最高規格」）的歡迎：「Darwin is  back！ Darwin is back！」（Darwin是姐姐的代稱）高興地在家裡跑來跑去，姐姐的心都融化了。

在回程的路上，我跟女兒分享「自閉兒愛你，就愛你到底----一如主耶穌愛你到底」的領受，女兒很有感。事實上，這個弟弟在家裡受寵的程度，外人應該很難想像。以昨天外出取餐為例，原本是我要帶著媽媽、姐姐跟鴿子一起出去，讓哥哥可以在家唸書準備期中考，但鴿子不從：「Gumball, I want Gumball…」（Gumball是哥哥的代稱）於是哥哥帶著書，心甘情願地陪著我們（其實是為了弟弟）一起去取餐。

這是十分窩心的生活日常。自閉兒的人際圈是很難擴展的，小時候鴿子「要我不要媽」的黏暱，是最典型的樣態；而今，鴿子已經把「自己人」的圈子擴及到「全家人」，少一個都不行。當每個人都升等為「老爸規格」的VIP待遇，沒有誰不願意以同樣的重視與愛，去回報這麼愛我們的小鴿子。

所以，我們既然是鴿子眼中的Apple，鴿子自然也就是我們眼中的Apple。女兒說的好：「是鴿子，把我們全家人的感情更緊密的連結在一起。」鴿子不但不是家人的負擔，相反的，他是家裡最閃亮的鑽石，每個人都在乎他，都愛他。

“You are the APPLE of His eye.”

Today, this sentence feels especially meaningful.

Last Friday, when I picked up my daughter (her school suspended classes for a week due to COVID), the moment we arrived home, Jabez gave his sister the “Dad-level welcome” — meaning “the highest level of welcome.” He ran around the house joyfully, shouting, “Darwin is back! Darwin is back!” (Darwin is my daughter’s nickname.) Her heart completely melted.

On the way home, I shared with her a realization: “When an autistic child loves you, he loves you to the end — just as the Lord Jesus loves you to the end.” My daughter resonated deeply.

In fact, the level of affection Jabez receives at home is something outsiders could hardly imagine. Take yesterday as an example: we were going out to pick up food. The plan was for me to take my mom, my daughter, and Jabez, so my older son could stay home to study for his midterms. But Jabez refused:

“Gumball, I want Gumball…”

(Gumball is his older brother’s nickname.)

So his brother willingly brought his textbook along and came with us — really, for his brother’s sake.

These touching little moments fill our daily life.

For autistic children, it’s very hard to expand their social circle. When Jabez was younger, his attachment to me — “wanting Daddy but not Mommy” — was the classic pattern. But now, Jabez’s circle of “his people” has expanded to include our entire family. Not one person can be missing.

When everyone has been upgraded to “Dad-level VIP status,” who wouldn’t want to return the same love and importance to a child who loves us this deeply?

So, since we are the apple of Jabez’s eye, naturally Jabez is also the apple of ours. My daughter said it beautifully:

“It’s Jabez who has brought all of us closer together.”

Jabez is not a burden to our family — quite the opposite. He is the brightest diamond in our home. Everyone cares about him. Everyone loves him.