惡夢

 2026/07/01晚上，我做了一個惡夢。

我夢見我與家人去參加一個活動，需要搭公車到活動地點。我開車送他們到上車地點，讓他們先上車，然後去找停車位。我找的有點久，當徒步回到上車地點時，公車已經出發了。

還好，公車還看得見，而且此時是上坡。我自料應該還趕得上，於是開始拼命地跑。也許是上坡對我的負擔也很大，我拼盡全力，卻仍只能眼睜睜看著公車漸行漸遠。

我又累又急，不知該怎麼辦。正心慌時，太太居然搭了一台車回頭找我。她告訴我公車暫停在前方不遠處，我們馬上過去，應該趕得上。於是我們拔腿起跑，想要追上公車。（印象中我在太太身上拿到一張寫著3個地名的紙條，應該是她一路經過的地點。不過這個細節不太重要）

我雖然累，但太太帶來的消息讓我振奮，所以跑得起勁，但此時太太身穿連身禮服，跑步不方便，嚴重拖慢了速度。我一時心急，深怕趕不上公車的悲劇再來一次，於是拋下太太，一個人拔腿狂奔。我心想：「太太你等我，等我攔住公車，我會請司機停下來等你的。」

事與願違，我還是沒趕上公車，這次連公車的背影都沒瞧見。我極度疲累，對沒有攔到公車感到沮喪。我想回頭去找太太，卻發現自己顧著追公車，已經迷路了！

這下子我心更慌了！焦慮到不行。我到路邊的風景區探問、尋找，還是不見太太的蹤跡。天色漸暗，我喪氣地離開風景區，卻發現所有的門全都關上了！

怎麼辦？沒找到太太，我自己還被困在風景區！我整個人崩潰大哭，這時候，所有的門忽然都開了！

瞬間出現的希望怎能輕易放過？我立刻衝出風景區，繼續尋找太太。但希望之後是無盡的絕望：此刻我人在陌生的城鎮（夢中的地名是苗栗----又一個不重要的細節），身邊都是彎曲的小路，每每抱著希望可以通往大路（因為才會有公車），卻常常走到死巷被迫折返。幾度往復尋路未果後，我疲累不堪、心急如焚，不知道太太現在怎麼樣了？沮喪、絕望、擔憂......所有的負面情緒擰成一股越收越緊的焦慮，讓我在陌生的街頭獨自慌亂無依。

這時候，救星出現了。一個當地人告訴我，他家有家用電話可以讓我聯絡太太。我連聲道謝，但對方拿出來的，卻是一具故障的電話機，上面的數字鍵位置錯亂，有的還脫落。我一再按錯號碼，聯絡不上太太，心中的焦慮感又上升了一層。最後不知道是誰提供了一具正常的電話機，我才首度接通、聯絡上太太。當我聽到話筒裡傳來熟悉的聲音時，我的情緒瞬間大崩潰，痛哭到不行。

夢境在這裡結束。我躺在床上，思索著夢境的意義：

1.失去太太的焦慮感貫穿整個夢境，這反映了太太在我生命中的重要性，我不能沒有她。

2.夢境裡，我迷路在風景區、陌生城鎮裡，快要抓狂的焦慮與慌亂，是我強烈的內在風暴。但這個風暴關鎖在我的心裡，我太太並不知道我是如此的在乎她。

夢醒後，我把這的夢告訴太太。她一下子就看出一個我沒意識到、卻極為重要的對比：我沒跟上公車，她會折回來找我；可是當我們一起追公車時，我卻拋下了她。她總結說：「這就是我們兩人個性的差異，也是我們的關係一再反覆的原因。」

我恍然大悟，也意識到夢境裡的一個小細節：太太回頭找我時，那是一個「特寫畫面」，太太是畫面中唯一的主角；相反的，我和太太一起追公車那一幕卻是個「遠鏡頭畫面」，太太在畫面裡一直是小小的，然後漸漸的默默的，被我拋在鏡頭之外。

這個畫面對比，呈現了太太在我心中兩種截然相反的地位：

1.當我需要她時，她絕對是我心中的第一與唯一

2.當我專注在眼前的任務（追公車）時，我會為了達成任務而輕易拋下她。可是我會告訴自己：我是為了她，才會不得已拋下她

太太不只一次告訴過我：「人比事情重要」。我以為我理解這句話，因為我在做事時都會告訴自己：我是為了她；但我真的不理解這句話，因為每次我完成任務時，她有時會不滿意，就繼續找下一件事情給我做……

我終於知道，當我只確認自己的心意，卻沒有真正在意對方的想法與需要時，我滿腔的愛與在乎，只侷限在自己的內心裡，對方完全感受不到。因為我的行為（拋下她）比起我的言詞（嘴上說在乎），更能「證明」我對她的愛。

想到這裡，多年來太太在每次爭吵後累積的委屈，我終於同感了。那些陳年舊帳，對我而言只是已經翻篇的「往事」，但對太太而言，卻是「舊創未癒，又添上新的」一道道傷痕。那些痛，只是她為了愛、為了關係而選擇放下，但是並未遺忘。

後記（7/18）

我很少做夢，會被我刻意記下來的夢，通常都有意義。

就像我在週三小組時說的，我沒有先知的恩賜，所以我不認為這是神感動的夢，勉強可以說是神透過這個夢在對我說話。對我而言，找到「對準神」的角度去解讀這個夢，應該是比較重要的。

這個夢在哪裡對準神呢？我認為是在夫妻關係這個層面上。從屬人的角度，我覺得我是一個愛太太、愛家庭的人，太太交代的事我都有做，對孩子應盡的責任我也努力做到，但我看不見自己「忽視家人」的部分，這部分隱藏在我的心態與行為模式裡。

這個夢把我「主觀上在乎家人，客觀上卻忽視家人」的問題呈現出來，而且充滿強烈的情緒感受，以至於Daphne 點出的一個重點細節，我可以馬上在夢境裡捕捉到符合細節的畫面。

所以，我為這個影響夫妻關係的「問題」認罪，求神帶領我勝過這個罪，讓我把心裡對妻子的在乎，能夠透過「行為」以及「願意改變的心意」讓妻子能看見、感受到，不讓這個問題繼續成為夫妻感情的破口。

***

The Nightmare

On The night of July 1,2026, I had a nightmare.

I dreamed that my family and I were going to an event, and we needed to take a bus to the venue. I drove them to the boarding spot, let them get on first, and then went to look for a parking space. It took me quite a while to find one, and by the time I walked back to the boarding spot, the bus had already left.

Fortunately, the bus was still in sight, and it was going uphill. Thinking I could still catch up, I started running as fast as I could. Perhaps the uphill climb was too taxing; despite giving it my absolute all, I could only watch helplessly as the bus drifted further and further away.

Exhausted and panicked, I didn’t know what to do. Just as anxiety was taking over, my wife unexpectedly rode a vehicle back to find me. She told me the bus had temporarily stopped not too far ahead, and if we hurried, we could still make it. So, we both took off running, trying to catch up with the bus. (I vaguely recall getting a slip of paper from her with three place names written on it, likely locations she had passed along the way. But this detail isn't very important.)

Although I was tired, the news she brought energized me, and I ran with renewed vigor. However, she was wearing a full-length gown, which made running difficult and slowed her down significantly. In a fit of urgency, terrified of repeating the tragedy of missing the bus, I abandoned my wife and sprinted ahead alone. I thought to myself, "Wait for me, honey. Once I stop the bus, I'll ask the driver to wait for you."

Things didn't go as planned. I still missed the bus, and this time, I couldn't even see its tail lights. Utterly exhausted, I felt a deep sense of defeat for failing to stop it. I wanted to turn back and find my wife, only to realize that in my frantic chase, I had completely lost my way!

Now, panic truly set in! My anxiety skyrocketed. I went into a roadside scenic area to ask around and look for her, but there was still no sign of my wife. As darkness began to fall, I despondently prepared to leave the scenic area, only to find that all the gates were locked!

What was I supposed to do? I hadn't found my wife, and now I was trapped in the scenic area myself! I completely broke down and wept. Right at that moment, all the gates suddenly swung open!

How could I let a sudden glimmer of hope slip away? I immediately rushed out of the scenic area to continue searching for my wife. But hope was quickly followed by endless despair: I now found myself in an unfamiliar town (the name in my dream was Miaoli—another unimportant detail), surrounded by winding alleys. Time and again, I hoped these paths would lead to a main road (where the buses would be), only to hit dead ends and be forced to turn back. After repeatedly searching for a way out to no avail, I was exhausted and frantic, worrying about how my wife was doing. Frustration, despair, worry... all these negative emotions twisted into a tight, suffocating knot of anxiety, leaving me panicked and helpless on the unfamiliar streets.

Just then, a savior appeared. A local told me I could use his home phone to contact my wife. I thanked him profusely, but what he handed me was a broken telephone. The number keys were scrambled, and some had even fallen off. I kept dialing the wrong numbers, unable to reach her, and my anxiety spiked to another level. Finally, someone—I don’t know who—provided a functioning phone, and I was finally able to connect with my wife for the first time. The moment I heard her familiar voice on the other end, I completely broke down, crying uncontrollably.

Reflections in the Waking World

The dream ended there. Lying in bed, I pondered its meaning:

1.The anxiety of losing my wife ran through the entire dream, reflecting how crucial she is in my life—I simply cannot live without her.

2.The overwhelming anxiety and panic of getting lost in the scenic area and the unfamiliar town represented a powerful internal storm. Yet, this storm was locked away inside my own heart; my wife had no idea just how deeply I cared for her.

After waking up, I shared this dream with my wife. She instantly pointed out a stark, crucial contrast that I had completely missed: when I failed to catch the bus, she turned back to find me; yet, when we were running after the bus together, I abandoned her.

She summarized, "This is the difference in our personalities, and it's the reason why our relationship keeps falling into the same patterns."

A wave of realization hit me, and I recalled a subtle detail from the dream: when my wife came back to look for me, it was a "close-up shot," with her as the sole focus of the frame. In contrast, the scene of us chasing the bus together was a "long shot"—she remained tiny in the frame, gradually and silently left behind, fading out of the picture.

This visual contrast captured two completely contradictory places my wife holds in my heart:

1.When I need her, she is absolutely my top and only priority.

2.When I am focused on the task at hand (chasing the bus), I will easily abandon her to achieve my goal. Yet, I justify it to myself: I only left her behind because I had no choice, and I did it for her sake.

My wife has told me more than once, "People are more important than tasks." I thought I understood this because whenever I was busy doing things, I would tell myself I was doing them for her. But in reality, I didn't truly grasp it. Because every time I finished a task, she would sometimes remain unsatisfied and simply find the next chore for me to do...

I finally understand: when I only validate my own intentions without genuinely caring about the other person's thoughts and needs, my heart full of love and care remains locked inside me. She cannot feel it at all. Ultimately, my actions (abandoning her) "prove" my love far more loudly than my words (saying I care) ever could.

Realizing this, I finally empathized with the years of accumulated hurt and resentment my wife has carried after every single argument. To me, those past grievances were just "history" that had been put to rest. But to my wife, they were wounds upon wounds—old scars that had never healed, topped with fresh new cuts. She only chose to set that pain aside for the sake of love and our relationship, but she never forgot them.

ps：

​I rarely dream, so the dreams I deliberately choose to remember usually have meaning.

​As I mentioned during our Wednesday small group, I don’t have the gift of prophecy. Therefore, I don’t view this as a divinely inspired dream; at most, it could be said that God is speaking to me through it. For me, the more important thing should be finding the right perspective to interpret this dream by "aligning with God."

​Where does this dream align with God? I believe it is at the level of the marital relationship. From a human perspective, I feel that I am someone who loves my wife and my family. I do what my wife asks of me, and I strive to fulfill my responsibilities to my children. However, I fail to see the ways in which I "neglect my family"—a part of me that is hidden within my mindset and behavioral patterns.

​This dream brought to light my issue of "caring about my family subjectively, yet neglecting them objectively." It was so filled with intense emotions that when Daphne pointed out a key detail, I was immediately able to capture a visual in the dream that matched that detail.

​Therefore, I confess this "issue" that impacts our marital relationship as a sin, and I ask God to lead me to overcome it. I pray that the care I hold for my wife in my heart can be seen and felt by her through my "actions" and a "willingness to change," so that this issue will no longer serve as a breach in our marriage.

強力推薦：「腦海裡的世界」 記錄片（英國BBC製作）

https://b23.tv/NVUvzjf

第1-2集：自閉症（共4個個案）

第3集：過過動症（2個個案）

第4集：讀寫障礙（2個個案）

因為Jabez的緣故，我們接觸、進入了特兒的世界----不只是Jabez的個人世界，也包括各式各樣、不同障別的特兒圈子。感謝主，讓我們在信主後才生下Jabez，這幫助了我們很早就對準神，以尋求神「偽裝的祝福」的角度去陪伴、照顧這個孩子，並讓我們看見，神透過這個孩子給我們家一路以來的啟示是什麼。

在上帝眼裡、在家人眼中，Jabez是多麼可愛、甚至是完美的小孩！但我們眼中的「可愛」，可能與一般人的認知不太一樣，因為一般人沒有近距離理解特兒的機會。

甚至很多的特兒家長，也不瞭解自己所生下的特兒。所以特兒究竟花了多大的努力讓自己融入這個世界（從家庭到社會），我們永遠不會知道。

直到有人願意幫助他們把自己「腦海裡的世界」表達出來。

影片裡，個案幾乎都提到他們兩方面的困境：融入世界的困難，以及融入世界（甚至僅是簡單的「被理解」）的渴望。對於他們，「被接納」遠比「變正常」更為重要，因為意識到自己的「特殊」，已經是他們永遠放不下、需要一輩子奮戰的十字架了。

這兩天，我們全家一起看完「腦海裡的世界」，邊收看邊討論。我們不只是談論Jabez，更多的時候，我們透過影片提到的「癥狀」去檢視自己，是否有這些特殊的「內在生命因子」。在討論中，家人彼此坦白自己的軟弱，而這樣的坦白，帶來同理與接住，家人的關係更加緊密了。

分享這個記錄片，是希望特兒們可以在大家的「理解」中，也能漸漸地被大家同理與接納住。我想，這是會讓上帝發出微笑的美好事情 。 

***

Highly Recommended: "Inside Our Autistic（ADHD/Dyslexic） Minds" Documentary (Produced by the BBC)

Episodes 1–2: Autism (4 case studies) 

Episode 3: ADHD (2 case studies) 

Episode 4: Dyslexia (2 case studies)

Because of Jabez, we encountered and entered the world of special needs children—not just Jabez’s personal world, but also the wider community of children with various types of disabilities. Thank God that we came to know the Lord before Jabez was born. This helped us align our focus with God early on, allowing us to accompany and care for this child by seeking God’s "blessings in disguise." It also showed us the revelations God has brought to our family through him along the way.

In the eyes of God and his family, Jabez is such a lovely, even perfect child! However, our definition of "lovely" might differ from the mainstream perspective, as most people rarely get the chance to understand special needs children up close.

In fact, many parents themselves do not truly understand the special needs children they gave birth to. We will never truly know how much effort these children put into fitting into this world, from their families to society.

That is, until someone is willing to help them express "the world in their minds."

In the documentary, almost all the individuals mentioned a two-fold struggle: the difficulty of fitting into the world, and their deep longing to fit in (or even to simply be understood). For them, "being accepted" is far more important than "becoming normal." Recognizing their own "uniqueness" is already a lifelong cross they can never put down.

Over the past two days, our whole family watched "Inside Our Autistic（ADHD/Dyslexic） Minds " together, discussing it as we watched. We didn't just talk about Jabez; more often, we examined ourselves through the "symptoms" mentioned in the video to see if we also carried these unique "inner life factors." During our discussion, family members openly shared their own weaknesses. This honesty brought empathy and support, drawing our family even closer together.

I am sharing this documentary in the hope that through everyone's "understanding," special needs children can gradually be empathized with and accepted. I believe this is a beautiful thing that will bring a smile to God's face.

------------------------------------------------------

其實，這個記錄片讓我的家人都重新檢視了自己，以及彼此長年來的共處經驗。

第3集，ADHD的亨利具有兩種特質：亂中有序與健忘。前者是Daphne 的特質，我認識她時就已經知道，後者則是我的特質。而我兼具自閉症「追求秩序感」的特質（ex：我求學時，書架上的書會按照書本大小排列），與Daphne亂中有序恰好對立。Daphne具有圖像記憶的能力，她可以根據腦海裡的視覺地圖，清楚知道什麼東西放在哪裡，我一旦將物品動了位置，她會找不到東西。而我也可能會找不到，因為我忘記收去哪裡了。

這個問題，在我們相處的過程中必須學會適應對方或妥協，不然永遠吵不完。所以我學會包容Daphne的亂（孩子出生後家裡更亂，但我已經完全妥協了），以免東西找不到怪罪我。而Daphne也對我的健忘徹底死了心，也訓練孩子一起對我「耳提面命」，降低健忘對生活造成的「災損」。

第4集， 讀寫障礙的李對我而言是個特別的個案，他的音感超好。他想演音樂劇，但讀寫障礙讓他根本無法參與演出，因為他連四句長度的歌詞都背不下來，拍攝團隊甚至被迫為了他延長影片拍攝時間，且到處貼提示詞幫助他。

我沒有讀寫障礙，但我跟他一樣具有先天音感（這是Daphne發現的，因為我不用看譜就可以根據抓到的基準音彈出整首歌，當時她嚇了一大跳），所以音樂蘊含的情感，對我的觸動非常直接而強烈，這一點與我平時「對情緒的低感受力」形成強烈的反差。Daphne哀怨的開玩笑說：「難不成要我用唱的你才能感受到我的情緒？但我歌聲不行啊！」

這些都是極為有趣發現。不是在給自己貼標籤，而是發現自己原來具有某些連自己都意識不到的「特殊」之處，雖然增加了彼此相處的難度，但也在愛裡，學習接納彼此的不同之處，在關係中合一。

不知道你們看完後，會不會也發現到神在你生命裡的「隱藏設計」呢？

***

Actually, this documentary prompted my entire family to re-examine ourselves and our years of living together.

In Episode 3, Henry, who has ADHD, exhibits two traits: organized chaos and forgetfulness. The former is Daphne’s trait, which I already knew when I met her, while the latter is mine. Meanwhile, I also possess the autistic trait of "seeking a sense of order" (for example, during my school years, I would arrange the books on my shelves by size), which stands in direct contrast to Daphne’s organized chaos. Daphne has a photographic memory; she can visualize a map in her mind and know exactly where everything is. If I move an object, she won't be able to find it. And I might not find it either, because I will have forgotten where I put it away.

We had to learn to adapt or compromise on this issue in our relationship; otherwise, the arguments would never end. So, I learned to tolerate Daphne’s messiness (the house got even messier after the kids were born, but I have completely surrendered to it) to avoid being blamed when things go missing. On the other hand, Daphne has given up all hope regarding my forgetfulness. She has also trained the kids to constantly remind me of things to reduce the "property damage" it causes to our daily life.

In Episode 4, Leigh, who has dyslexia, is a particularly unique case to me. He has a brilliant sense of pitch. He wanted to perform in a musical, but his dyslexia made it impossible for him to participate because he couldn't even memorize a four-line lyric. The production crew was even forced to extend the filming schedule for him and post cue words everywhere to help him out.

I don't have dyslexia, but like him, I have an innate sense of pitch. Daphne discovered this because I can play an entire song by ear based on a root note without looking at sheet music, which shocked her at the time. As a result, the emotions carried by music touch me very directly and intensely. This forms a sharp contrast to my usual "low sensitivity to emotions." Daphne jokingly complained, "Do I really have to sing for you to feel my emotions? But my singing voice is terrible!"

These were all incredibly interesting discoveries. It is not about labeling ourselves, but about realizing that we possess certain "unique" traits we weren't even aware of. While this adds to the difficulty of living together, it also allows us to learn to accept each other's differences through love and become one in our relationship.

I wonder if, after watching it, you will also discover God's "hidden design" in your own life?

台中梅雨即景

暴雨雷霆至，

濃雲吞遠山。

低昂芳草勁，

默默待天藍。

台中烏溪雨後

碧樹枝猶勁，
烏溪水不清。
蜿蜒流向遠，
何日入澄明？

Jabez 自學日文50音

最近Jabez 大量觀看日文字母的幼教影片、卡通短片，還會邊看邊唸。我曾隨意指某個字母要他唸給我聽，結果每次都唸對。（我對50音陌生，所以我是透過影片去確認他有沒有唸對）

後來Jabez 進化到拿筆書寫日文字母，就跟當初自學英文一樣。反正他是一個喜歡規則/規律的孩子，我們也不干涉，由他去學（其實是「玩」）。

幾天前，我將一疊廢紙拿給Jabez 塗鴉，他沒有畫畫，而是拿來寫日文字母。今天要清掉塗鴉過的紙張時，我一時興起，拍照叫Gemini 分析一下Jabez 到底寫了什麼，Gemini 的回答如下：（節錄）

紅色部分：​かがに (Ka-ga-ni)

​藍色部分：​たよ (Ta-yo)

​綠色部分（分布較散）：​ろぎ (Ro-gi)。

我嚇到了：原來Jabez 在用日文字母拼寫韓國卡通「小巴士Tayo」裡頭的角色----綠色、紅色、藍色巴士的英文名字！（紙上紅色的第一個字母有塗掉，所以紅色巴士的名字是 ga-ni）

「Tayo」是韓國的英語幼教卡通，所以是英語發音，Jabez 能夠精準用日文字母拼寫出來，表示他真的把50音背下來了。

雖然Jabez 最新自學的日文在生活中也許派不上用場，只能自娛娛人，但想到他是中度語言障礙的自閉兒，就不得不讚嘆神創造的奇妙偉大！

---

Recently, Jabez has been watching a lot of educational videos and short cartoons about Japanese kana. He even reads along while watching. Once, I randomly pointed at a character and asked him to read it aloud, and he got it right every time. (Since I’m not familiar with the 50 sounds myself, I had to rely on the videos to confirm whether he was correct.)

Later, Jabez progressed to writing Japanese characters with a pen, just like when he taught himself English before. He’s a child who enjoys patterns and rules, so we don’t interfere—we just let him learn (or rather, “play”).

A few days ago, I gave Jabez a stack of scrap paper for doodling. Instead of drawing, he used it to write Japanese characters. Today, while clearing away the used papers, I got curious and took a photo, then asked Gemini to analyze what he had written. Gemini’s response was as follows (excerpt):

Red section: かがに (Ka-ga-ni)

Blue section: たよ (Ta-yo)

Green section (more scattered): ろぎ (Ro-gi)

I was shocked. It turns out that Jabez was using Japanese characters to spell the names of characters from the Korean cartoon “Tayo the Little Bus”—specifically, the green, red, and blue buses’ English names! (The first red character on the paper was scribbled out, so the red bus’s name is “Gani.”)

“Tayo” is a Korean English-learning cartoon, so the pronunciation is in English. The fact that Jabez could accurately spell it using Japanese kana shows that he has truly memorized the entire kana system.

Although the Japanese he has recently taught himself may not be very practical in daily life and might just serve as a form of self-entertainment, considering that he is an autistic child with moderate language impairment, I can’t help but marvel at the wonder and greatness of God’s creation.

回答一位特兒父親的問題

Q：OO固執行為嚴重可能平常我叫刷牙洗澡他都先第一個，我叫哥刷牙，哥刷好牙，他傷心我問他，他叫哥哥要在刷一次，我刷他也叫我不要刷後叫我他刷完叫我重刷，不然他一直哭一直鬧

***

KK，早上在寶貝班群組看到你po的問題，我有一些想法想跟你分享。

固執（固著）行為是泛自閉光譜的特兒會有的行為，這是孩子的「秩序感」、也是一種「安全感」的來源或外顯形式。而特兒的固著行為常是不理會場合與對象的，所以容易造成困擾。

有鴿子以前，曉能（哥哥）小時候也曾經有個固著行為讓我十分火大。那時他還小，喜歡按電梯，但某次我趕時間先按了電梯，他非常不高興，就在電梯門口哭鬧，我只好讓電梯先下去再讓他按一次，他按了，情緒卻依然不爽：

「我不要你幫我按電梯！」

「可是我已經讓電梯下去，讓你按了啊？」

「我不要，我要『剛剛那時候』自己按電梯...」

「可是『剛剛』不可能重來啊！我都等你、給你按電梯了不是？」

「我不要...我要剛剛那時候按電梯....」

我當時氣得想打他----真是莫名其妙，無理取鬧！

曉能不是特兒，也曾有過不講理的階段；等到有了鴿子之後，「固著行為」就不再是偶發事件，而是家裡的生活日常----一如你遇到的狀況。

困擾是存在的，問題是該怎麼拆解。我的看法是：

1.為固著行為分類

不是從「行為樣態」劃分，而是從「生活影響層面」劃分。前者是學者的研究工作，後者是生活中的理性思考：有哪些固著的影響層面較大（例如干擾別人）、哪些固著的影響層面較小（例如侷限在家裡）？

這個劃分有個好處，影響較小的部份，可以配合、順著特兒的固著習慣，讓他舒服，讓他開心。這就需要受影響的人（比如家人）的遷就與配合。以你提到的狀況為例，我看到很棒的一點：你跟哥哥都配合OO的要求。這就對了！家人嘛，一點點生活遷就不是什麼付不起的代價，如果一點點的遷就配合少甫就能開心，其實投報率挺高的呀！

在我家也是這樣。鴿子是我家的「燈光師」，他一回家，就會把家裡的燈全部打開（客廳、浴室、廚房、臥室，連床頭的條形裝飾燈也一樣 ），而且燈光全都要設定為「黃色」，，這是我無法接受的浪費行為。起初我制止，無效；我改以「你開我關」的方式應對，他就「你關我開」，無限重複下去。最後是全家人妥協，我也不再堅持。鴿子創造了一個充滿溫暖黃光的室內空間，他很滿意。

但你應該會疑惑：如果我們的作為都一樣，為什麼少甫跟鴿子的反應會大不相同？這就涉及了另一個問題：你掌握了孩子的「固著樣態」了嗎？

2.掌握了孩子的固著樣態 

首先要觀察，理解孩子的行為本身包含了哪些細節。以鴿子為例，「全開燈、開黃光」是他的作為，他的秩序感；曉能的電梯事件，則包括了「自己按電梯+時間點」兩個細節，掌握細節（可能包括動作與流程），才會知道該如何適切地回應孩子的固著。鴿子我只要順著他就行，但曉能那件事我就沒辦法了，因為我無法讓時間倒轉。

我從你的描述中觀察，OO「有可能」在他的固著行為（刷牙秩序感）中含有「流程、時間」的元素，一如曉能的電梯事件。若此推測為真，那就是比較麻煩的樣態，因為就算你跟哥哥配合照辦了，因為時間不對，OO無法回到當初心裡設定好的「秩序」，所以就持續哭鬧，讓人束手無策。

於是問題就變成：「該如何處理特兒的情緒」，也就是你會到群組求救的原因。

3.情緒，永遠是最優先的考量

特兒的情緒能穩定，照顧特兒的辛苦就少掉60％，宗勳醫師分享他家承澤的狀況，可以印證這一點。你之所以想知道「該怎麼做」，也是對OO的情緒張力無能為力。

但特兒的情緒問題不單單是「知道該怎麼做」這麼簡單，因為特兒會長大，想法、需求也會改變，這是一個「動態」的過程----不管是OO的行為、還是我們的因應都是。

所以，要時時覺察特兒的情緒反應，找出誘發情緒反應的觸發因子，並建立「資料庫」。一旦情緒張力出現，就可以從資料庫中比對，找出正確的觸發因子；若資料庫中找不到，那就是新的狀況，在將之收入資料庫中。每個特兒都是獨特的，所以別人的經驗只能聽聽，不一定適用在OO身上。

這就是我會多說了曉能的「電梯事件」的原因，因為我已經找不到鴿子有跟少甫類似的情緒失控狀況，但電梯事件的樣態，「似乎」比較類似。這就是建立資料庫的好處：看似是建立「行為樣態資料庫」，其實我們的目標對準的是孩子的「情緒」，唯有穩定了孩子的情緒，我們肩頭的擔子才會真正的輕省下來（在預設特兒永遠需要家人照顧的認知前提之下）。

然而OO目前的問題該怎麼辦？如果你還沒建立夠細緻的資料庫，那麼，現在開始建立它。建立資料庫不代表一勞永逸，因為你總可能遇到當下無解的狀況。去年我們家去高雄聽張學友演唱會，鴿子很配合地陪媽媽進場聽歌（人生成就解鎖），但車子水箱爆了的意外，讓我們如此緊急處置：媽媽先搭火車離開高雄，準備明天上課，我們多停留一些時間，等車修好了再開車回家。結果媽媽趁夜離開這一點鴿子無法接受（這是他「不能落下一個家人」的固著），在高雄捷運車廂裡，我被迫蹲下來無支撐地安撫鴿子也難以轉變他的心情，在公共場所這樣實在有些狼狽，但這時候孩子的情緒優先，就顧不上自己的狼狽了。

我相信你一定用盡心力去愛OO，一如我對鴿子。但是除了可操作的「方法」，你也要倚靠神來給你力量。神會用什麼方法幫助我們你不會知道（例如我在捷運上狼狽之時，讓座給我的居然是另一個大齡特兒----神當下安排的「天使」），但神的憐憫與我們同在，他不會讓我們特兒家長白白受苦的。倚靠神不是遇到困難了才找祂，而是時時在神面前承認自己的軟弱，懇求神的恩典，讓自己在照顧心力「餘額不足」時，隨時可以找神「充值」。

而最最重要的，是求主賜給你屬神的眼光，辨識神在這個孩子身上的計畫，按照神的心意來照顧這個孩子，而不是按著我們的心意。對我家而言，我們漸漸發現，神要我們養出一個「吃快樂長大的小孩」，讓他在愛的環境中長大，不但自己對愛不虞匱乏，還能懂得什麼是愛、把愛分享出去----鴿子可是自閉兒啊！一個自閉兒能懂得愛、情緒穩定、懂得愛人，還有什麼神蹟比這個更偉大呢？就算鴿子追不上別人的學習能力，那又有什麼關係呢？

所以我勉勵你：用神的眼光來看待少甫。你視OO為「問題」，那你就會在他的成長過程中不斷地「發現問題」並「解決問題」；你視OO為「祝福」，那你就會在他的成長過程中時不時地打開神預先放著的「大禮包」，時時有驚喜。同樣是「成長」，你想要選擇哪一個眼光、為孩子安排哪一條成長之路呢？

不知不覺寫了這麼長，希望能幫助到你。你我都是特兒父親，而你比我更辛苦，所以你比我更迫切需要神的安慰與幫助。願神保守你和你的家，讓神隱藏在OO生命中的祝福，有一天能被你看見。

給接待的南非宣教士的回信

 親愛的Lisa：

你信中對我的稱讚，讓我受寵若驚！週一晚上在Stephen 家裡的聚會，我向Craig 說我是小信的人，但他給我很大很深的鼓勵。現在，你的信也大大的鼓勵了我。

送你們離開後，在開車的路上，我和Daphne 一起分享了這段時間被感動、被鼓勵的點點滴滴。「人接待你們就是接待我；接待我就是接待那差我來的。」(馬太福音 10:40)在接待你們之前，這段經文調整了我的眼光，讓我放下第一次接待服事的緊張與焦慮；現在你們離開台灣，這段經文又再度出現在我的心中：因為接待了你們，所以我才能看見神在我家的賜福，以及神對我家的呼召。

你是很美好的女孩子。你真誠、善良、有禮、體貼又細心，我們全家都很喜歡你。10:00pm接Phoebe下班回家時，她在車上說：「我已經開始想念Lisa她們了。」Jabez也是，他洗完澡躺在你睡過的床上，說：「這是『Lisa 的』房間。」我想，你懂的。😊

 若不是神的安排，這一切的美好都不會發生。願神祝福你回到南非後的生活，在學業上、工作上，都有神的保守。

ps: 歡迎妳成為我家的「第六人」😄

 Jorman 

思念：送別來自南非的宣教伙伴們

你們來了
樹上開滿了一朵朵
燦爛的笑容

現在，你們走了

滿地的落花是一滴滴

不捨的眼淚

飛機在天空畫上一道

長長的弧線，像彩虹

一個美麗的約定

因著耶穌的愛

我們在彩虹的這一端

你們在彩虹的那一端

When you came,
the trees blossomed—
each flower
a radiant smile.

And now, you have gone. The fallen petals
that carpet the earth
are drops of tears,
reluctant to part.

An airplane traces the sky,
a long, gentle arc—
like a rainbow,
a promise of beauty.

For in the love of Jesus Christ,
we stand at one end of the rainbow,
and you—
at the other.

Jabez的「攻擊」

關島行最後一天，為了不耽誤7:30的航班，我們決定5點起床（台灣時間是凌晨3點），5:30還出租車，再搭出租公司的接駁車到關島機場，給通關保留足夠的時間（關島海關的安檢太嚴格了）。Jabez很配合地跟著起床，不吵不鬧，直到還車時，Jabez 情緒爆走了。

從出租車下行李，Jabez 就開始焦躁不安，我們跟他解釋要歸還車輛，但Jabez 不接受。看著公司員工把車開走（去試車，看看有沒有車損），Jabez 情緒整個炸掉，彷彿沒了車子就無法回台灣。我趕忙抱起Jabez 安撫他，但是無效，Jabez 整個情緒大失控，居然出手打了我好幾下----我的肩部以上，都是他的攻擊範圍。

我有點嚇到，不可置信的看著Jabez，他也正眼看著我，我因此確定：我就是他的攻擊目標。但此時安撫他的焦慮是更迫切的事，於是我帶著笑意輕拍他的背，用肢體語言告訴他：「Daddy 沒事，不用擔心。Daddy惜惜！」後來媽媽出來點破了Jabez情緒爆掉的原因：我們只告訴他「離開旅館，前往機場」，忘記告訴他中間有「還車」這個環節，所以他對離開的車子產生焦慮。我們趕忙跟Jabez解釋清楚，不久接駁車也到了，Jabez才放下焦躁，又變回那個溫順柔和的孩子。

回程中，我反省整個的過程，神給了我以下的領受：

1.Jabez攻擊我不是出於本意。他本是愛我的，但在被情緒制約的情況下，他需要一個情緒的出口，我離他最近，所以就成了攻擊的目標。（事實上如果不攻擊我，那他就會攻擊自己了）

在此時的Jabez身上，我看見我們被罪捆綁時的樣子：明明心裡有愛，卻還是失控出手攻擊了。「這樣看來，我以內心順服神的律，我肉體卻順服罪的律了」（羅馬書7:25），靠己力無法勝過罪，是鐵一般的事實。

2.被攻擊的我雖然驚訝，但沒有發火，反而憐惜Jabez這個孩子困在情緒的風暴中，因為我是他的爸爸。

我逆想：天父看著我們陷溺在罪中，應該也是同樣的心情吧？祂既恨惡罪，卻憐憫犯罪的我們，因為神就是愛。「愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈」（哥林多前書13:4），只有愛，才能讓人甘願為對方付出，為對方奉獻。

我感謝神讓我的生命與Jabez緊緊綁在一起，在這份親子關係中，神總是祝福滿滿，讓我在生活的操練中，與主更靠近。

<Jabez’s “Attack”>

On the last day of our trip to Guam, in order not to miss our 7:30 a.m. flight, we decided to wake up at 5:00 a.m. (3:00 a.m. Taiwan time). At 5:30 we returned the rental car, then took the rental company’s shuttle to the airport, allowing sufficient time for security and customs clearance (Guam’s inspections are very strict). Jabez cooperated and woke up with us without fussing. However, when it was time to return the car, his emotions suddenly exploded.

As we unloaded the luggage from the car, Jabez became increasingly anxious. We explained that we needed to return the vehicle, but he could not accept it. When he watched the company staff drive the car away for inspection (to check for any damage), his emotions completely spiraled out of control. It was as if, without the car, we would not be able to return to Taiwan. I quickly picked him up and tried to comfort him, but it did not help. He completely lost control and struck me several times—everything above my shoulders was within his range of attack.

I was startled and looked at him in disbelief. He looked straight back at me. In that moment, I knew for certain: I was his target. Yet calming his anxiety was more urgent than defending myself. So I smiled gently, patted his back, and used body language to reassure him: “Daddy is okay. Don’t worry. Daddy loves you.” Later, his mother identified the cause of his emotional outburst: we had told him we were leaving the hotel and heading to the airport, but we had forgotten to explain that returning the car was part of the process. The sudden departure of the car triggered his anxiety. We quickly clarified everything to him. Soon the shuttle arrived, and Jabez calmed down, returning to his gentle and tender self.

On the flight home, I reflected on the entire incident, and the Lord gave me the following insights:

1. Jabez did not attack me intentionally.

He loves me. But when overwhelmed by emotion, he needed an outlet, and I happened to be the closest one to him, so I became the target. (In fact, had he not struck me, he might have harmed himself.)

In Jabez at that moment, I saw a picture of ourselves when we are bound by sin. Though there is love in our hearts, we still lose control and strike out. As Scripture says:

“So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin” (Romans 7:25).

It is an ironclad truth that we cannot overcome sin by our own strength.

2. Though I was surprised by the attack, I did not become angry. Instead, I felt compassion for Jabez, trapped in the storm of his emotions—because I am his father.

Reflecting further, I wondered: when our Heavenly Father sees us drowning in sin, does He not feel the same? He hates sin, yet He has mercy on us sinners, because God is love.

“Love is patient and kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Only love enables one to willingly give, to sacrifice, and to offer oneself for another.

I thank God for binding my life so closely with Jabez’s. In this parent–child relationship, God continually pours out His blessings, drawing me closer to the Lord through the daily practice of life.

關島行

浮島海天闊，
流雲山水清。
臨風舒散髮，
入幕數明星。
夜市原民味，
沙灘異國情。
陶潛如有意，
遠道亦相迎。

<Journey to Guam> by ChatGPT

Drifting isles spread wide where sea meets sky;
Wandering clouds, clear over hills and streams.

Facing the wind, I loose my unbound hair,
Within the tented night, I count the stars.

Night markets breathe the native earth’s warm scent;
Along the shore, an air of foreign lands.

If Tao Yuanming still harbored such a heart,
Even from afar, this road he’d gladly take.

搭機隨想

飛在天空上
離地面遠了
卻沒有更靠近天國

腳下的雲
遮蔽了海洋與島嶼
遮不住禱告的聲音

一環彩虹，啊
那是挪亞之約
印在浮雲之上

<Thoughts on Flying>

I rose into the heavens,
leaving the earth far below,
yet I was no nearer to the Kingdom of God.

The clouds beneath my feet
veiled the seas and the scattered isles,
but they could not silence the voice of prayer.

Ah, a ring of rainbow—
the covenant of Noah,
sealed upon the drifting clouds.

尋找我們的神----「大衛-王者降臨」電影觀後感

網路電影宣傳海報

「大衛-王者降臨」絕對是今年最好看的福音電影了！

不同於電影「萬王之王（主耶穌）」的「插敘（說故事）」敘事結構，「大衛-王者降臨」採取跟電影「埃及王子（摩西）」相同的「線性敘述」方式，讓電影的完整性與流暢性顯得更佳。但電影中「神存在的樣式」，本片與「埃及王子」則明顯不同。

在「埃及王子」中，神以「具體存在」的形態與先知摩西互動，摩西所行的神蹟，全都是按照神「開口（聲音）」的指示去實現。電影裡我們看不見神的具體形象，但神這個角色，是以「聲優」的形式來演出的。

而「大衛-王者降臨」裡的神，自己始終沒有開口，他的「旨意」是藉著先知撒母耳來傳達：掃羅的膏立、被廢以及大衛的膏立，都以撒母耳的「傳達」為依據----但神始終在電影裡的每一個地方「存在」。

我們的神是創世的神，「自從造天地以來，神的永能和神性是明明可知的，雖是眼不能見，但藉着所造之物就可以曉得，叫人無可推諉。」 (羅馬書 1:20 )這個真理容易理解，但一般人卻不容易「感知」。在「大衛-王者降臨」裡，我更看重的是神在另外兩個層面的存在：「內在面」與「超越面」。

就超越面而言，撒母耳傳達神的旨意，是「超越的神」的呈現；歌利亞與大衛對戰時，高傲地誇口挑戰「大衛的神」那一幕也是。當歌利亞倒下的那一刻，那不是大衛的勝利，是神藉著「弱小的孩童大衛」所成就的勝利。這位神，是超越世界之上掌管一切、決定一切的至高主宰。

就內在面而言，我覺得這應該是整部電影中最精彩動人的部分了。大衛的一生就是一部尋求神、倚靠神的故事，他牧羊時如此，膏立時如此，甚至不願親手殺害對他有敵意的掃羅王時也是如此。在電影裡，大衛兩度陷入困境的情節，最能彰顯神做為「內在生命之主」的意義：

1.掃羅追殺大衛，大衛被迫出逃，大衛一邊逃命、一邊唱著「我看不見神」的心聲。導演在大衛逃命所唱的歌曲中使用了蒙太奇的手法，讓大衛與她母親在同一個畫面中，呈現「看不見神、渴求神的保護」（大衛） 與「相信神，帶著信心逃離掃羅的追捕」（母親）兩種截然相反的心境。他們並未見到神的形象，卻都在心中留著給神的位置，信靠神的保守，彰顯了神的同在。

2.亞瑪力人攻破洗格拉，擄走跟隨大衛的族人，使大衛面臨跟隨群眾信任瓦解的危機。大衛在極度無助、走投無路之際，選擇相信神：他解除武裝，一個人追趕至亞瑪力人的所在，揚聲高唱對神的信心，但被亞瑪力人一拳擊倒並被綁住手腕吊起。此時的大衛毫無反擊之力，然而被擄的族人因著大衛的信心卻開始起身高唱「我不害怕」----一個族人起身，被擊倒；再一個起身，再被擊倒；又一個起身，又一個起身……直到所有人起身高唱「我不害怕！」情勢於是逆轉，最終大衛與族人趕跑了亞瑪力人。這時候的神並沒有高居在諸天之上，而是進入每一個人的心裡，成為每一個人充滿信心的力量泉源。

我們的神，就是這麼一位既超越又內在的神。

餘論

1.在電影裡，大衛被亞瑪力人綁縛時的形象，彷彿日後上十字架的主耶穌。他順服、懷抱信心，縱使會因此而死也毫不迴避。這多像日後那位順服、犧牲、充滿愛與能力的君王----主耶穌。雖然電影裡的這段情節是出於杜撰，但我想導演應該是刻意讓大衛與主耶穌相連結，傳遞救主彌賽亞是出於大衛的子孫：主耶穌基督。

2.在電影裡，大衛的媽媽以編織為喻，教導大衛要相信神的偉大計畫。這個「編織」的意象，應該是借用於電影「埃及王子」。摩西逃離埃及時被葉忒羅收留，葉忒羅邀請摩西加入聚會所演唱的「through the heaven eyes」，裡頭就是使用「編織」來比喻神偉大的計畫。

***

<Seeking Our God — Reflections After Watching David: The King’s Arrival>

David: The King’s Arrival is without question the finest gospel film of this year.

Unlike The King of Kings (Jesus Christ), which employs an interwoven, story-within-a-story narrative structure, David: The King’s Arrival adopts a linear mode of storytelling similar to The Prince of Egypt (Moses). This choice enhances the film’s overall coherence and narrative flow. However, in its portrayal of “the manner of God’s presence,” this film differs markedly from The Prince of Egypt.

In The Prince of Egypt, God interacts with the prophet Moses in a “concrete” form of presence. The miracles Moses performs are all carried out according to God’s spoken instructions. Although God’s physical form is never shown on screen, God nevertheless appears as a character through voice acting.

By contrast, in David: The King’s Arrival, God never speaks directly. His “will” is conveyed through the prophet Samuel: the anointing of Saul, his rejection, and the anointing of David are all based on Samuel’s mediation. Yet throughout the film, God is present everywhere. Our God is the Creator God. “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:20). This truth is easy to understand intellectually, yet difficult for most people to truly “perceive.” In David: The King’s Arrival, what I value most is God’s presence on two additional levels: the immanent dimension and the transcendent dimension.

From the transcendent perspective, Samuel’s proclamation of God’s will is a manifestation of the “transcendent God.” The same is true of the scene in which Goliath arrogantly boasts and challenges “David’s God.” When Goliath falls, it is not David’s victory; it is God’s victory, accomplished through the “small and weak child David.” This God stands above the world, sovereign over all things, determining all outcomes as the supreme ruler.

From the immanent perspective, this is, in my view, the most compelling and moving part of the entire film. David’s life is a story of seeking God and relying on God—whether while shepherding sheep, being anointed, or even when he refuses to kill King Saul, who harbors hostility toward him. Two moments in the film, in which David falls into dire circumstances, most vividly reveal the meaning of God as the “Lord of inner life”:

David Fleeing from Saul As Saul hunts him down, David is forced to flee. While escaping, he sings of his inner cry: “I cannot see God.” In this sequence, the director employs montage, placing David and his mother within the same frame. This juxtaposes two starkly different states of mind: David’s sense of not seeing God and his longing for God’s protection, and his mother’s trust in God as she flees Saul’s pursuit with faith. Neither sees God’s visible form, yet both leave space for God in their hearts, trusting in His protection and manifesting God’s presence.

The Amalekites’ Attack on Ziklag When the Amalekites overrun Ziklag and carry off the people who followed David, David faces a crisis in which the trust of his followers is on the verge of collapse. In utter helplessness, with no way forward, David chooses to trust God. He lays down his weapons and pursues the Amalekites alone, singing loudly of his faith in God. He is struck down by an Amalekite, bound at the wrists, and hung up. At this moment, David has no power to resist. Yet because of David’s faith, the captured people begin to rise and sing, “I am not afraid.” One person stands up and is struck down; another rises and is struck down; then another, and another—until everyone stands and sings, “I am not afraid!” The situation reverses, and David and his people ultimately drive away the Amalekites. Here, God is no longer portrayed as enthroned high above the heavens, but as entering into every heart, becoming the wellspring of faith and strength within each person.

Our God is precisely such a God—both transcendent and immanent.

Additional Reflections In the film, the image of David bound by the Amalekites strongly resembles the Lord Jesus on the cross. David is obedient and filled with faith, not shrinking back even if obedience leads to death. How similar this is to the later obedient, self-sacrificing, loving, and powerful King—Jesus Christ. Although this scene is a fictional addition, I believe the director intentionally connects David with Jesus, conveying that the Savior, the Messiah, comes from the lineage of David: Jesus Christ.

In the film, David’s mother teaches him to trust in God’s great plan by using weaving as a metaphor. This imagery of “weaving” appears to be borrowed from The Prince of Egypt. When Moses flees Egypt and is taken in by Jethro, Jethro invites Moses to join the gathering in singing “Through Heaven’s Eyes,” a song that likewise uses weaving as a metaphor for God’s magnificent plan.

分別為聖

新心教會的「制服」

「你們要聖潔，因為我是聖潔的。」（利未記 11:45）

這是上週日下午晾曬新心教會的「制服」時，腦海閃過的一句經文。

這四件由小而大整齊排列、一片潔白的衣服，看著實在很舒服。然而這是我這輩子，第一次遵守「白色衣服不可以和有顏色的衣服混在一起洗」的洗衣規定。

我回想起下午的情況：在太太提醒我「這幾件要單獨洗，不要跟洗衣籃的衣服一起洗」之前，我就已經動了這個念頭了。這其實違反我「快速省事」的做事原則（反正今天我就打算要洗衣服了，晚上一起洗更省事），可是因為衣服上印著「新心教會」四個字，想到過去白色衣服被我「偷懶的洗」的下場，讓我不太願意它們太快就變成「灰白色」。於是我將這四件衣服丟進洗衣機，單獨清洗。 

是的，我將這四件衣服「分別出來」，因為它們是「潔白」的。 

分別，是特意的揀選，在這當中有我對這四件衣服「特別的心意」。那麼神將我們「分別為聖」的時候，不也是有這樣的心意嗎？這樣看來，能被神所揀選，實在是大大蒙福的事啊！

當然，「分別為聖」後要持守聖潔，並不是一件容易的事，畢竟人的罪性一直誘使我偏離神的聖潔，讓我安於「自以為義」的狀態。就像之前混洗後的白色衣服，在我眼中它仍是「白色」，但其實已經「不潔白」了。

「你們要聖潔，因為我是聖潔的」，這節經文不只是一個命令，它也是人愛神的自我檢視：我是否真心追求神的聖潔？還是我只想做到「比別人更聖潔」就好？我看著這一排潔白的衣服，心中已經有了答案：

「主啊，願我愛你勝過愛我自己，因為我是個不配的人。」

***

<Set Apart / Consecrated>

“Be holy, because I am holy.” (Leviticus 11:45)

This verse came to my mind last Sunday afternoon as I was hanging out New Heart Church’s “uniforms” to dry.

These four garments, neatly arranged from small to large and completely white, were truly pleasant to look at. Yet this was the first time in my life that I had actually followed the laundry rule that “white clothes should not be washed together with colored clothes.”

I recalled what happened that afternoon. Even before my wife reminded me, “These need to be washed separately; don’t wash them together with the clothes in the laundry basket,” the thought had already crossed my mind. This went against my usual principle of doing things quickly and conveniently (after all, I had already planned to do laundry that day, and washing everything together in the evening would have been much easier). However, because the words “New Heart Church” were printed on the clothes, and because I remembered the outcome of my past “lazy washing” of white clothes, I was reluctant to let them become “grayish” too quickly. So I put these four garments into the washing machine and washed them separately.

Yes, I “set apart” these four garments, because they were “white.”

To set something apart is an intentional act of choosing, and it reflects my “special regard” for these clothes. When God sets us apart as holy, does He not have such an intention as well? Seen this way, being chosen by God is truly a great blessing.

Of course, after being “set apart as holy,” maintaining holiness is not an easy thing. Human sinfulness continually tempts me to drift away from God’s holiness, allowing me to remain comfortable in a state of “self-righteousness.” Just like white clothes that were previously washed together with colored ones: in my eyes they are still “white,” but in reality they are no longer truly “clean.”

“Be holy, because I am holy.” This verse is not merely a command; it is also a self-examination of one’s love for God: Do I genuinely pursue God’s holiness, or am I satisfied with simply being “holier than others”? As I looked at this row of spotless white clothes, I already had my answer:

“Lord, may I love You more than I love myself, for I am an unworthy person.”

追記12/14主日敬拜時的屬靈感動

當天敬拜時唱的詩歌有一首是「Everything」，觸動我的歌詞是這一段（其實我們也只有唱這一段）：

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

當我開口唱出「Christ in me 」時，我的心霎時被撞擊了一下：我是來敬拜神的，要敞開心房來面對神。可是我現在在幹嘛？我還帶著心事跟情緒進來教會。於是我在「Christ in me…… Be my everything」反覆的歌聲中，釋放了心中的綑索，單單讓心中被神充滿，感受、也享受著與神的同在。

那時，我腦中有一個畫面：我的手裡拿著一顆很重的、有稜有角的石頭，我的手很酸很累，但就是不願放下它。後來主耶穌走近我，向我伸手，我交出了手中的石頭，而主耶穌只是輕輕地握著我的手，一語不發。我感覺手心很溫暖、很放鬆，當下真的覺得「You are everything 」，世間的一切（包括自己）都不再重要。

是的，神一直都在----只要我們真心轉回面向祂。

***

<Addendum – Spiritual Impression during Sunday Worship on December 14>

During that day’s worship, one of the songs we sang was “Everything.” The lyrics that deeply moved me were this part (in fact, it was the only part we sang):

Christ in me
 Christ in me
 Christ in me, the hope of glory
 You are everything

Be my everything
 Be my everything
 Be my everything
 Be my everything

When I opened my mouth to sing “Christ in me,” I suddenly felt a sharp impact in my heart: I came to worship God—to open my heart and face Him honestly. But what was I doing at that moment? I had come into church still burdened with personal concerns and emotions. As I continued singing “Christ in me… Be my everything” repeatedly, I felt the chains in my heart loosen. I allowed God to fill my inner being completely, feeling and enjoying His presence.

At that moment, an image appeared in my mind: I was holding a heavy, jagged stone in my hands. My hands were sore and tired, yet I refused to let it go. Then, the Lord Jesus came near and reached out His hand to me. I handed Him the stone, and He simply took my hand gently—without saying a word. I felt warmth and peace in my palm, and in that instant, I truly understood “You are everything.” Everything else in the world—including myself—no longer seemed important.

Indeed, God has always been there—if only we sincerely turn our hearts back toward Him.

記兩件上週發生的小事

記兩件上週發生的小事。

上週三（11/19）我跟太太帶Jabez去東山路的三商巧福吃晚餐，餐畢，一起走到旁邊的楓康超市繳費機繳停車費。Jabez突然在楓康超市外面隔著玻璃，對著裡面不相識的小朋友說：「Hi！#@&$π×……」（亂碼是我忘記的一段英文問候語😅），裡面的小朋友一臉驚訝，小心翼翼地舉手揮了揮，算是回禮。我跟太太都笑了。這又是自閉兒Jabez在人際互動上的一大進步：他已經懂得向不認識的人表達善意。

之前在特兒服事的禾場裡，Jabez會在大人、輔導的提醒、引導下做出「問候」的動作，但這只是「服從指令的行為」而已，不具備「問候」的內涵。來到新心教會後，Jabez 在這裡融入得既快且好，大人小孩都主動學習與Jabez互動，真心接納這個孩子；在主日崇拜時，Jabez 只要看到投影布幕上打出「兒童主月學開始了」的畫面，就會興奮地跳起來，跟著小朋友去上課。 

而今，Jabez 就在我們眼前，「主動」跟一位不認識的小朋友打招呼，我跟太太的笑，除了感動、喜悅，也是讚嘆神創造Jabez 這個孩子的奇妙可畏：順著神的計畫表，不要急躁，就可以看見神蹟。

「耶和華說： 我要把奇事顯給他們看， 好像出埃及地的時候一樣。 」（彌迦書7:15）

***

上週六（11/22）下午，我帶著Jabez開車接太太回家。時近傍晚，西邊的夕陽彩霞正美，我對Jabez 說：「Look, it's beautiful sunset!」Jabez 將平板擱在腿上，轉頭看向車窗外，說：「Yes Jorman, it's beautiful sunset! #@&$π×…… 」（亂碼意義同上😅）

就在不久前，我在車上跟Jabez說「夕陽很美」 時，原意是想讓他認知外面的世界：看看落日、看看紅霞，看看傍晚時分的光影變化，讓他把注意力暫時從平板移開。Jabez 也只配合的看了一眼，複製了一句「yes, it's beautiful.」後，就又埋首於平板的世界裡。然而一次、兩次......，Jabez看著外面景色的時間越來越長，我才意識到：這個孩子真的在「欣賞」景色。週六那天，夕陽從可見到下山，晚霞從朱紅到暗紫，Jabez 一直瞧著，口中唸唸有詞，彷彿要把他所見的一切（也許包括感受）通通說出來，而我聽得最清楚的就是這句：「「yes Jorman, it's beautiful sunset! 」當景色被快速公路的隔音牆擋住時，Jabez還會發出無奈的嘆息聲。這個時候，平板繼續播著影片，只是被冷落在Jabez的雙腿上。

啊，beautiful。這麼簡單的字，自閉兒真的會懂＼感受嗎？那些能分享內心世界的高功能自閉症患者曾經告訴人們：他們無法理解情緒感受，所以會以圖像化的方式來分辨、歸類，好認知別人的情緒（例如：以顏色來區別，或以嘴角上揚、下彎的角度來區別）。看著Jabez認真專注地瞧著逐漸暗沉的夕陽，我不免懷疑：也許Jabez真的懂得欣賞夕陽的美呢！ 

「耶和華啊，你所造的何其多！你都用智慧造成。遍地充滿了你的豐富。」（詩篇104:24）

Here are two small events that happened last week.

Last Wednesday (11/19), my wife and I took Jabez to the San Shang Qiao Fu restaurant on Dongshan Road for dinner. After eating, we walked to the Feng Kang supermarket next door to pay the parking fee at the payment machine. Suddenly, outside the supermarket—separated only by the glass—Jabez said to a child inside whom he did not know: “Hi! #@&$π×……” (the garbled symbols represent an English greeting phrase I can’t remember😅).

The child inside looked surprised, cautiously raised his hand, and waved in return. My wife and I both laughed.

This was another big step for Jabez, our autistic child, in interpersonal interaction: he has learned to express kindness to people he doesn’t know.

When Jabez was still in the previous ministry serving children with special needs, he would “greet” others only when adults or counselors reminded or guided him to do so. It was merely an act of “following instructions,” without containing the essence of a real greeting.

After coming to New Heart Church, Jabez integrated quickly and wonderfully here. Both adults and children take the initiative to learn how to interact with him and genuinely accept him. During Sunday services, whenever Jabez sees the projection screen show the words “Children’s Sunday School has begun,” he jumps up excitedly and goes to class with the other kids.

And now, right before our eyes, Jabez proactively greeted a child he didn’t know. The smiles on my wife’s and my face were not only filled with emotion and joy, but also with awe toward the wonderful and marvelous way God created Jabez: if we simply follow God’s timetable and do not rush, we will see miracles.

“As in the days when you came out of the land of Egypt, I will show them marvelous things.”

— Micah 7:15

Last Saturday afternoon (11/22), I drove with Jabez to pick up my wife and bring her home. It was near dusk, and the sunset in the west was beautiful. I said to Jabez, “Look, it’s a beautiful sunset!” Jabez put down his tablet on his lap, turned to look out the window, and said, “Yes, Jorman, it’s beautiful sunset! #@&$π×……” (same meaning for the garbled symbols as above😅).

Not long ago, when I told Jabez in the car, “The sunset is beautiful,” my intention was simply to help him become aware of the world outside—look at the setting sun, the red clouds, the shifting light of early evening—so that he could momentarily take his attention off the tablet. Jabez would only cooperate by glancing outside, copying, “Yes, it’s beautiful,” then immediately burying himself again in the world of the tablet.

But once, twice… Jabez started looking at the scenery outside for longer and longer. That was when I realized: this child is truly appreciating the scenery.

On Saturday, from the moment the sun was visible until it went down, and the clouds shifted from crimson to deep purple, Jabez kept watching, murmuring to himself as if he wanted to verbalize everything he saw (and perhaps everything he felt). The sentence I heard most clearly was: “Yes, Jorman, it’s beautiful sunset!”

Whenever the soundproof barriers along the highway blocked the view, Jabez would let out a helpless sigh. Meanwhile, the tablet continued playing videos, but it was completely ignored, resting on his lap.

Ah, beautiful. Can an autistic child really understand and feel such a simple word? High-functioning autistic individuals who can express their inner world have told people that they often cannot understand emotions and thus rely on visual categorization to identify them—such as colors, or the angle of the corners of someone’s mouth.

Watching Jabez gaze intently at the darkening sunset, I couldn’t help but wonder: maybe Jabez truly can appreciate the beauty of a sunset!

“O Lord, how manifold are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all. The earth is full of Your riches.”

— Psalm 104:24