無題

你，就這麼無聲無息的過來了

直直的朝著我
是風，是潮，是空船

我該閉目掩耳，還是張耳直視？
就放手迎上吧
不論是舒，還是瑩

記兩件上週發生的小事

記兩件上週發生的小事。

上週三（11/19）我跟太太帶Jabez去東山路的三商巧福吃晚餐，餐畢，一起走到旁邊的楓康超市繳費機繳停車費。Jabez突然在楓康超市外面隔著玻璃，對著裡面不相識的小朋友說：「Hi！#@&$π×……」（亂碼是我忘記的一段英文問候語😅），裡面的小朋友一臉驚訝，小心翼翼地舉手揮了揮，算是回禮。我跟太太都笑了。這又是自閉兒Jabez在人際互動上的一大進步：他已經懂得向不認識的人表達善意。

之前在特兒服事的禾場裡，Jabez會在大人、輔導的提醒、引導下做出「問候」的動作，但這只是「服從指令的行為」而已，不具備「問候」的內涵。來到新心教會後，Jabez 在這裡融入得既快且好，大人小孩都主動學習與Jabez互動，真心接納這個孩子；在主日崇拜時，Jabez 只要看到投影布幕上打出「兒童主月學開始了」的畫面，就會興奮地跳起來，跟著小朋友去上課。 

而今，Jabez 就在我們眼前，「主動」跟一位不認識的小朋友打招呼，我跟太太的笑，除了感動、喜悅，也是讚嘆神創造Jabez 這個孩子的奇妙可畏：順著神的計畫表，不要急躁，就可以看見神蹟。

「耶和華說： 我要把奇事顯給他們看， 好像出埃及地的時候一樣。 」（彌迦書7:15）

***

上週六（11/22）下午，我帶著Jabez開車接太太回家。時近傍晚，西邊的夕陽彩霞正美，我對Jabez 說：「Look, it's beautiful sunset!」Jabez 將平板擱在腿上，轉頭看向車窗外，說：「Yes Jorman, it's beautiful sunset! #@&$π×…… 」（亂碼意義同上😅）

就在不久前，我在車上跟Jabez說「夕陽很美」 時，原意是想讓他認知外面的世界：看看落日、看看紅霞，看看傍晚時分的光影變化，讓他把注意力暫時從平板移開。Jabez 也只配合的看了一眼，複製了一句「yes, it's beautiful.」後，就又埋首於平板的世界裡。然而一次、兩次......，Jabez看著外面景色的時間越來越長，我才意識到：這個孩子真的在「欣賞」景色。週六那天，夕陽從可見到下山，晚霞從朱紅到暗紫，Jabez 一直瞧著，口中唸唸有詞，彷彿要把他所見的一切（也許包括感受）通通說出來，而我聽得最清楚的就是這句：「「yes Jorman, it's beautiful sunset! 」當景色被快速公路的隔音牆擋住時，Jabez還會發出無奈的嘆息聲。這個時候，平板繼續播著影片，只是被冷落在Jabez的雙腿上。

啊，beautiful。這麼簡單的字，自閉兒真的會懂＼感受嗎？那些能分享內心世界的高功能自閉症患者曾經告訴人們：他們無法理解情緒感受，所以會以圖像化的方式來分辨、歸類，好認知別人的情緒（例如：以顏色來區別，或以嘴角上揚、下彎的角度來區別）。看著Jabez認真專注地瞧著逐漸暗沉的夕陽，我不免懷疑：也許Jabez真的懂得欣賞夕陽的美呢！ 

「耶和華啊，你所造的何其多！你都用智慧造成。遍地充滿了你的豐富。」（詩篇104:24）

Here are two small events that happened last week.

Last Wednesday (11/19), my wife and I took Jabez to the San Shang Qiao Fu restaurant on Dongshan Road for dinner. After eating, we walked to the Feng Kang supermarket next door to pay the parking fee at the payment machine. Suddenly, outside the supermarket—separated only by the glass—Jabez said to a child inside whom he did not know: “Hi! #@&$π×……” (the garbled symbols represent an English greeting phrase I can’t remember😅).

The child inside looked surprised, cautiously raised his hand, and waved in return. My wife and I both laughed.

This was another big step for Jabez, our autistic child, in interpersonal interaction: he has learned to express kindness to people he doesn’t know.

When Jabez was still in the previous ministry serving children with special needs, he would “greet” others only when adults or counselors reminded or guided him to do so. It was merely an act of “following instructions,” without containing the essence of a real greeting.

After coming to New Heart Church, Jabez integrated quickly and wonderfully here. Both adults and children take the initiative to learn how to interact with him and genuinely accept him. During Sunday services, whenever Jabez sees the projection screen show the words “Children’s Sunday School has begun,” he jumps up excitedly and goes to class with the other kids.

And now, right before our eyes, Jabez proactively greeted a child he didn’t know. The smiles on my wife’s and my face were not only filled with emotion and joy, but also with awe toward the wonderful and marvelous way God created Jabez: if we simply follow God’s timetable and do not rush, we will see miracles.

“As in the days when you came out of the land of Egypt, I will show them marvelous things.”

— Micah 7:15

Last Saturday afternoon (11/22), I drove with Jabez to pick up my wife and bring her home. It was near dusk, and the sunset in the west was beautiful. I said to Jabez, “Look, it’s a beautiful sunset!” Jabez put down his tablet on his lap, turned to look out the window, and said, “Yes, Jorman, it’s beautiful sunset! #@&$π×……” (same meaning for the garbled symbols as above😅).

Not long ago, when I told Jabez in the car, “The sunset is beautiful,” my intention was simply to help him become aware of the world outside—look at the setting sun, the red clouds, the shifting light of early evening—so that he could momentarily take his attention off the tablet. Jabez would only cooperate by glancing outside, copying, “Yes, it’s beautiful,” then immediately burying himself again in the world of the tablet.

But once, twice… Jabez started looking at the scenery outside for longer and longer. That was when I realized: this child is truly appreciating the scenery.

On Saturday, from the moment the sun was visible until it went down, and the clouds shifted from crimson to deep purple, Jabez kept watching, murmuring to himself as if he wanted to verbalize everything he saw (and perhaps everything he felt). The sentence I heard most clearly was: “Yes, Jorman, it’s beautiful sunset!”

Whenever the soundproof barriers along the highway blocked the view, Jabez would let out a helpless sigh. Meanwhile, the tablet continued playing videos, but it was completely ignored, resting on his lap.

Ah, beautiful. Can an autistic child really understand and feel such a simple word? High-functioning autistic individuals who can express their inner world have told people that they often cannot understand emotions and thus rely on visual categorization to identify them—such as colors, or the angle of the corners of someone’s mouth.

Watching Jabez gaze intently at the darkening sunset, I couldn’t help but wonder: maybe Jabez truly can appreciate the beauty of a sunset!

“O Lord, how manifold are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all. The earth is full of Your riches.”

— Psalm 104:24

優雅的服事

 今天 Stephen 在坪林教會說：「行善不是牧師一個人該做的，是教會每一個肢體都要去做。」（經文：「我們原是他的工作，在基督耶穌裏造成的，為要叫我們行善，就是神所預備叫我們行的。」以弗所書 2:10)，我想起山本由伸（MLB道奇隊的日本投手）關於他特殊的「BC訓練法」中的一句話：

「一塊肌肉出100分力，不如全身640塊肌肉各出1分力。」

只要每一分力量的連結、傳導順暢，結合起來的力量就會很驚人。就像我們服事一樣，相信神的帶領，彼此協作，每個人就都能輕鬆優雅的服事。

Today at Pinglin Church, Stephen said: “Doing good is not something only the pastor should do; it is something every member of the church needs to do.” (Scripture: “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” — Ephesians 2:10)

It reminded me of a quote from Yamamoto Yoshinobu (the Japanese pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers in MLB) regarding his unique BC training method:

“One muscle giving 100 units of strength is not as good as all 640 muscles each giving 1 unit of strength.”

As long as the connection and transmission of every little bit of strength flow smoothly, the combined power becomes astonishing. In the same way, when we serve, we follow God’s guidance, work together, and each of us can serve with ease and grace.

神就是光

 在光中顯影，在影中見光。

「神就是光，在他毫無黑暗。」（約一1:5）

To bring forth the shadow in the light, to behold light within the shadow.

“God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5)

★下圖攝於文華高中

 

我看見你

我尋求你
在夜空裡的繁星閃閃
我尋求你
在山林間的流水潺潺
我尋求你
在街道上的人海茫茫
我尋求你
在教堂裡的空空盪盪

而我竟然看見你，慈祥的微笑
在我熬受罪惡捆綁的沉默之中

 "I Beheld Thee"
(in the style of Kahlil Gibran) ChatGPT

I sought Thee
among the stars that whisper secrets to the night.
I sought Thee
in the rivers that sing to the lonely hills.
I sought Thee
amidst the multitudes whose hearts beat yet know Thee not.
I sought Thee
in the hollow silence of the house of prayer.

And lo, I beheld Thee —
Thy smile, tender as dawn upon the weary soul,
shone within my silence,
where sin had bound me with unseen chains.

日月潭暮景

遠山沉落日，
細竹曳流霞。
潭影晴空靜，
欣欣不戀家。

圖：于傳騏老師

神的「 吸引」

「Jabez(小鴿子，我家的自閉兒)可能永遠不會知道，自己到底哪一點吸引著我們，讓我們這麼愛他。」

「很多人看見 Jabez 時，也被 Jabez 吸引，覺得 Jabez 很可愛。」

這是剛剛家人聊天時的兩句對話。我腦海突然閃過一節經文：

「古時耶和華向以色列顯現，說：我以永遠的愛愛你，因此我以慈愛吸引你。」( 耶利米書 31:3 和合本 )

神愛人是出於本質。若要透過「神做了什麼」來證明神的愛，那麼就會因為「神沒有做什麼」來否定神的愛。如此，我們離神就會非常遠了。

能看得見 Jabez 吸引人之處，我相信，我也會看得見神吸引我的地方。

 “Jabez may never know what it is about him that draws us so deeply, that makes us love him so much.”

“When people see Jabez, many of them are also drawn to him, thinking Jabez is adorable.”

These were two lines from a family conversation we had just now. Then a verse suddenly came to mind:

> “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’”— Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

God’s love for people comes from His very nature. If we try to prove God’s love only through what He has done, then we will also begin to deny His love when He seems not to act. And when that happens, our hearts will drift far from Him.

To be able to see what makes Jabez so lovable—I believe I can also see what draws me to God.

***

神再次透過Jabez ，讓我更認識他了。這次我的領受是「吸引」二字。

在信仰的路上，以前我總定睛在「尋求」「認識」「經歷」等動詞，這些不是不對，但我忽略了「吸引」––我們能愛神，是因為神主動吸引我們，讓我們知道他的存在，進一步建立/恢復了彼此的關係。

Through Jabez, God once again helped me know Him more deeply.

This time, what I received was centered on the word “draw” or “attraction.”

On my journey of faith, I used to focus on verbs like “seeking,” “knowing,” and “experiencing.” These are not wrong, but I had overlooked “being drawn.” — We are able to love God because He first draws us to Himself, making us aware of His presence and leading us to build—or restore—our relationship with Him.

附：

一、楊中生牧師的回應

對的，神和愛不能分開，神就是愛的本質本體，把神和愛分開，就會掉入神做的事，而不是神自己。

格林多書信裡面提到。希臘人求智慧，猶太人求神跡，猶太求的就是從看得見的神跡，來尋找神。結局是他們錯了。

二、Stephen Grewar 牧師的回應

Hi Jorman, thanks for this lovely message. I love taking note of what God has done and have a grateful heart. But you are right, if we only respond when we observe what God has done we will surely drift.

I appreciate how you make sense of things. You are a deep thinker. The way God had made you and gifted you is surely a huge blessing to the the church.

主的羊

有的羊
聽說這裡的草場過來了
有的羊
順著風中的草香過來了
有的羊
剛好路過這裡也過來了
––––滿園子吃著草咩咩咩的聲音

空中傳來牧羊人的呼喚

一小群羊離開草場循聲而去

回到牧羊人的羊圈

有的羊仍在貪婪地吃著青草

一隻一隻被黑夜吞沒了

<The Lord’s Sheep> Some sheep came because they heard the pastures here were good. Some sheep came following the fragrance of grass on the wind. Some sheep just happened to pass by and stopped here too— ––the whole garden filled with the sound of bleating as they grazed. Then, from the air, came the shepherd’s call. A small flock left the pasture, following the voice, returning to the shepherd’s fold. Some sheep, however, kept greedily eating the green grass, one by one swallowed by the night.

對屬靈的「恐懼」

昨晚我做了一個異夢，我將禱告代入夢境，得出「放下過去，專注向前」的訊息。我反覆推敲、辨識，跟神求平安，深怕自己「隨己意解夢」，待有平安後，才按照這個指示去作為。

這次經驗，我更大的屬靈收穫，是挖出長久深埋在心裡的恐懼：恐懼自己因為靈命有限，無法檢驗屬靈（超自然）訊息的真偽，故而選擇退守在理性的世界裡，這樣比較安全，不會出問題。

這個「恐懼」，早在一貫道時期就存在：在仙佛班「降乩」的仙佛是真的嗎？號稱接棒的新任祖師是真的嗎？那時我年輕，連跟道場的聖職長輩對話的條件都不夠，只能秉持愚誠「拿香對拜」，但我知道，我只是選擇一條安全的路：跟著信得過的前輩往前走就對了。

後來我去唸中文系，讀了很多古籍經典，建構自己認可的價值信念，漸漸擺脫「超自然」問題的困擾，因為在理性的世界裡，一切都可理解，那些未解的，只是「還沒理解」，而非「不可理解」。

這其實是另一條安全的路，但也是信仰上一堵自己築起的牆：當我把超自然的世界隔絕於外，也就隔絕了神的全知與大能。這就是為什麼我初信主時會特別看重聖經而非聖靈的緣故，因為我還是選擇「安全」的信仰途徑----我只是在尋求「神在我生命中的意義」，而非「為神付上一切的代價」。

所以，我能接受先知性的教導、啟示、預言……，是很大的屬靈進步，因為我打破了「退守理性世界」的自我侷限，向神敞開我的生命。這次的「異夢」，就是我藉由這個「過去不習慣、甚至抗拒」的形式，領受神的旨意。

當然，我還是要小心不要落入「隨意解經」的問題啦！如今在新心教會裡，大家花很多的時間敬拜禱告，牧者或弟兄姊妹，有人會把自己在敬拜當下神啟示的話語、畫面與大家分享，相互造就。在全心向神的氛圍中，有時我也會看到某些「畫面 」，而我會尋求是屬靈上、神學上的解讀，並獲得屬靈上的、與神關係親近的感動，而非將這些畫面當作「籤詩」，視為未來人生的行動指引。

***

Last night, I had an unusual dream. I brought it before God in prayer and received a clear message: “Let go of the past and focus on what lies ahead.” I spent time reflecting and discerning, asking God for peace, because I didn’t want to interpret the dream according to my own will. Only after I felt that inner peace did I act upon the message I received.

Through this experience, I gained a deeper spiritual insight: I uncovered a long-buried fear within me — the fear that my spiritual maturity might be too limited to discern whether a spiritual or supernatural message truly comes from God. To avoid being deceived or making mistakes, I had chosen to retreat into the realm of reason, believing it to be the safer place.

This fear actually dated back to my time in I-Kuan Tao. I used to wonder: were the “immortal beings” who appeared through spirit writing truly real? Was the so-called new spiritual leader, said to have inherited divine authority, genuine? At that time, I was still young and not equipped to engage in deeper conversations with the elders of the temple. All I could do was offer incense and worship with simple sincerity. Deep down, I knew I was simply taking the safer path — following the footsteps of those trustworthy seniors ahead of me.

Later, I majored in Chinese literature and read many classical texts. Through them, I built my own system of values and beliefs, gradually freeing myself from the struggles caused by “supernatural” questions. In the rational world, everything can be understood — and what remains unexplained is merely not yet understood, rather than impossible to understand.

But that, too, was another form of safety — and a wall I had built within my faith. By shutting out the supernatural, I had also shut out God’s omniscience and power. That’s why, when I first became a Christian, I focused more on the Bible than on the Holy Spirit: I was still taking the “safe” route of faith. I was seeking to understand the meaning of God in my life, rather than offering my life completely to God.

So, for me, being able to receive prophetic teachings, revelations, and words of prophecy has been a significant step of spiritual growth. It means I have broken through the self-imposed limitation of retreating into reason, and have opened my life more fully to God. This recent “unusual dream” was, in fact, God speaking to me through a form I was once unfamiliar with — even resistant to.

Of course, I still remind myself to be careful not to fall into the trap of interpreting revelation too loosely or subjectively. At New Heart Church, we spend much time in worship and prayer. During those moments, pastors and brothers and sisters sometimes share the words or visions that God reveals to them, and we build one another up through these experiences. In that atmosphere of wholehearted worship, I too sometimes see certain “images.” When that happens, I seek to understand them through spiritual and theological discernment, allowing them to deepen my relationship with God — rather than treating them like fortune sticks or literal instructions for my future.

愛的教育

記一件09/08的小事。

下午參加鴿子的IEP 會議，會議中，今年班上的新老師告訴我們：「如鴿會主動關心我耶！有一天我被蚊子叮咬，一直抓癢，如鴿看到了就用英語問我『怎麼了？』我先用英語回答他，再用中文講一次，他理解了，就離開。」

我們聽了很高興，因為是別人自己告訴我們鴿子的好表現。我們家用愛澆灌鴿子，給他安全感，沒想到鴿子現在可以突破自閉的限制，主動去關懷別人。